The day I finally lost it!

Have you ever had a day when you thought you literally just couldn't take it anymore? That was me a couple of days ago.

It's funny because I still cannot pinpoint what the problem was exactly.

Maybe it was coming off of a week where my sister and her awesome family had been in town visiting and we had gone from fun every day to feeling a bit shut in with a sick 2 year old.

Maybe it is my subconscious knowing that we are starting homeschooling up again next week and that summer will officially be over?

Maybe it is the fact that I put a lot of pressure on myself to make things perfect in my life which of course I fail at completely.

The kids weren't listening. I couldn't stay on top of the house cleaning. Life is busy and Tom can't use any vacation until at least December (with a new job that we are so blessed with!).

All I do know for sure is that they other day, I was ready to quit! Seriously. I was ready to find a job, find childcare and enroll the older two in school rather than continuing with the home school route God has clearly called our family to.

I have an amazing husband who is forever patient with me when I have days like this but I cannot expect him to fill me up. I cannot expect that the kids will be perfect and that will keep me content. I cannot even expect that if the house was perfectly clean, I would be happy.

I ended up spending a great deal of time in prayer (eh hem...probably should have done that sooner) and then reading my Bible.

Of course that always helps but then I picked up a book that I love to turn to by Lysa TerKeurst. Sometimes it is scary to me how much I can relate to this woman but what I love is that I am always pointed to scripture that really speaks to my heart. I highly recommend this book to any mom!


Psalm 73:26

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of 

my heart and my portion forever."

This is a verse that I NEED to live by! I can read the Bible every day and spend time in prayer but if I am not allowing the Lord to be my portion and fill me up, than I will never be full and I will always feel unsatisfied. 

I can have every good intention to get up before the kids and spend time with God but the reality is, it doesn't always happen. Sometimes they wake up earlier than expected. Or I didn't sleep well...or...well...the snooze bar looks too appealing, haha. 

What I do know is that I need to let God fill me up completely, not the things in this world. I need to wake up each day and say. "Lord, be my portion today. When my flesh and heart fail, be the strength of my heart."

Will you do this with me?

(Photo Credit)

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Praise Him!

God's plans are so much bigger and better than ours. The end.

No really, I am sitting here amazed right now at God's provision for us as a family. Last Tuesday night (May 13), Tom took his last final exam. He graduates on June 8th and praise be to God, he was offered a Job that begins June 9! A good job. A career Job...doing what he wants to do. I am unbelievably proud of him as this is a huge accomplishment. Most of the last five years he spent working on his Bachelor's degree in Computer Programming (including summers). All but nine months of that, he worked full time. Keira was a baby when he started and since we have added three kids to our family. And...he has great grades. Yay Tom!

I wrote last month that I had no idea what a "normal life" would feel like and I am starting to experience that now. Tom is home after work, the kids get to spend so much more time with daddy and we are able to sit down as a family and eat dinner together on a much more regular basis. It's the little things folks.

But the thing that I am most amazed about is how over the last few months, I have not been very anxious at all about our unknown future. Sure, I had moments of panic, but they really were fleeting. It became second nature to just pray in those moments and I really did just feel a peace that could only come from the Lord. With so much up in the air, I was determined to focus on the fact that God has never left us and He never will.

I could write forever about all of the ways that God has provided for our needs in the last 5 years since Tom started school...well, really the last 6 years since Keira was born but the things that have happened most recently are the things that are standing out in this moment.

The fact that Tom lost his job a year and a half ago turned into the biggest part of God's plan is amazing. That is the only reason why he was able to graduate already. Then, he got a well paying co op that started last September and not only provided for us financially, but was also able to count as college credit. Another reason why he was able to graduate now. That was also supposed to end last Friday but they asked him to stay on a bit longer. This means that we will not have a single week without pay. CRAZY! God is so good.  (although, a week without work would have had its perks!)

We were mentally prepared for a lot of different scenarios...to move away if needed, to have time without a career, maybe doing any job that he could find, To have to take more classes to get qualified in other areas...

...but God has answered. We get to stay here, near our family, near our friends and in our church....at least for now. God is amazing and I am so thankful!

I realize that things can change in a moment and that God's plans for us could once again change but for now, it feels amazing.

One thing that I have really learned is that getting anxious or stressed about each situation really doesn't help. It doesn't change anything. Prayer does. Let Him ease your anxieties. Cast your cares on Jesus. He is never going to let you go!

Now on to the next big decisions....to continue renting...or buy a home...hmmmm.

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Seven Years Betrothed

Seven years ago today, my wonderful husband proposed to me.

Tom and I had been dating for just over eight months. A group of our friends from church decided we would take a weekend trip down to Maryland to visit my best friend, Bethany, and her husband James. They lived between Washington DC and Baltimore so there was a lot we could see and do. Unbeknownst to me, Tom had swiped Bethany's phone number from my phone and called her to make a plan.

To this day, I still cannot believe she didn't tell me...we kind of tell each other EVERYTHING!

So, On March 2nd, 2007, we hopped in the car with some friends, Jeff and Heather, and drove down to Maryland.

Jeff and Tom in the back seat on our way down....I cannot believe how young they look! 

Now I know more details, of course, but the first night, Tom was sleeping downstairs with the guys while the girls were upstairs and he showed them all the ring he planned to give me. So...everyone knew what was coming but me!

The next morning, we packed up and headed into D.C. James and Bethany had sort of planned out our route. To be honest, I don't remember what we did first. I do remember walking down the street towards the Science Museum that we were going to check out. Bethany suggested that Tom and I separate from the group and head over to the Botanical Gardens across the Street. Her reasoning was that it was a beautiful place to have a picture taken together and then we could just meet them back at the museum. I hesitated...I mean...we were there to all be together but then decided it would just be for a few minutes and it would be nice to have a picture of us.

We walked through the Gardens looking for a nice place for a picture. When we decided on a spot, Tom handed the camera to a stranger and asked him to take our picture. I turned around to take off my jacket and when I turned back around, Tom was on his knee. OH MY GOODNESS!

Of course I said yes.

The best part was that the guy taking our picture had no idea so he started yelling to people, "Look what he's doing!" and a huge crowd had gathered around while he proposed.

Of course I called home right away to talk to my parents and sister while we walked back to meet our friends. We swore them to secrecy so we could be the ones to tell the rest of our friends and family when we got home.

The rest of the day is a bit of a blur but here are a few shots of the rest of our weekend.

From Left to Right (Heather, James, Bethany, Jeff, Rachel, Adam (who is getting married to an awesome Girl next week!!), Tom and me!)

Never in our seven years together so far have I regretted marrying my amazing husband. I love him more everyday. The decision to marry him was easy. God  very obviously brought us together when we least expected it and has blessed our marriage abundantly.

As in every marriage, we have our ups and downs. We have things that we have to talk through and we have moments of frustration but with Jesus as the Center, it makes it easier to keep perspective.

I am so excited to see what God has in store for our next seven years....four more kids? haha....well...I guess you never know!

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"Date Night"

You've heard it once, you've heard it a million times. It is so important to get out with your spouse on a regular basis.

Tom and I manage to get out here and there. We don't have a set schedule for date night. Sometimes it happens more frequently and other times, there is a large gap between. Recently, I started to feel like we must not have a healthy marriage because we don't "get out" as often as others. When I took a step back, I realized that there are so many reasons for that.

It's not money. We have plenty of babysitters and lots of family around. There are enough ideas on the internet for free or cheap ideas so that isn't it....I am not saying we are loaded! haha.

It's certainly not that we just don't want to. I LOVE an evening out with my hubby....and I think he likes nights out with me....ha!

I realized that we are one of those couples who tend to get time together on a regular basis at home. Right now, where we are in life, the kids are [usually] in bed by 8:30 and we are night owls so we have a few hours at night of uninterrupted time. Sure, we both spend time doing our own thing too but we tend to get time to talk about the day or what is going on in our lives daily. I know that it isn't like that for others and it may not always be like that for us. Some people work later than Tom. Some families have two working parents. Others have opposite schedules...whatever the reason, I am not going to sit here and tell you that you are doing something wrong. Circumstances change things.

I would like to encourage you to spend quality time together. Marriage comes before kids. Period. ****Disclaimer...I am not saying to ignore your children to spend time with your sweetheart*** Your kids seeing a healthy marriage before them will make them more confident in life and give them a security they would not otherwise have.

I truly believe that one of the largest reasons for divorce and marital issues these days (besides needing a marriage centered on God) is that couples spend too much time doing their own thing. They "grow apart" simply because they are not continuing to know each other. If this is you, take a step back. Drop something from your schedule and fall in love again with the person already in your life.

Marriage is a wonderful gift from God and just like other gifts that He gives us, we should be "using" it the best we can!

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A Year Ago Today...

Oh how a year can change things....in an unbelievable way when God is involved.

A year ago today, I was sitting in my living room on the phone with my mom (who I talk to at least once a day...and she lives five minutes away!) and the front door opened. Tom was home from work at 10:30 in the morning. My thought was, "oh no, he's sick", but in reality, he had lost his job. He was told that they were "restructuring" and didn't need him. He had recently been promoted and been given a decent pay increase so I am sure that played into it, but it doesn't really matter. He no longer had a job and I was a stay-at-home mom. No income.

I quickly hung up the phone, and started to panic.

We just looked at each other. I cried, I'm sure, but I don't remember. At the time, I was about 8 weeks pregnant with Levi and we hadn't told anyone yet (partially because I was still in shock about that!) Then Tom went for a walk. He prayed. I prayed. And the panic started to ease.

I never cease to be amazed at how God clearly has a plan for us that is so much better than our own. Also, how when we hand Him the reigns, our anxieties can drop away from us.

Photo Credit

While Tom was out walking, I went to the refrigerator for a drink. I noticed his school calendar  and got me thinking...

(for those of you who don't know, Tom has been working on his undergrad for the past five years and was scheduled to graduate in the Spring of 2015)

...2 hours later we had it all figured out! It's funny to say that but it kind of did work that way.

Once again, God's timing is perfect. it just so happened, that it was the last day that could add classes to his schedule. With a lot of figuring, we realized that if he went back to full-time status at school, between grants, scholarships, the money that the VA was giving him (from his Army days) and unemployment, he could stay home, get a LOT of school done much more quickly AND we would not lose one penny of income. CRAZY!

So here we are, one year later. He was home for 9 months, did school full-time in the spring and summer, got an amazing Co-Op job for a great company making more than he did at his previous place of employment, and miracle of all miracles, Tom started his last semester of his undergraduate degree this week. He will graduate in May with a Bachelors' in Computer Science (don't ask me what that means!). So now, we hope and pray that he will find the perfect fit job for him as this semester draws to a close.

It is just amazing how God held us in His hands, gave us peace even when those around us doubted the plan we had come up with, and continues to guide us daily...sometimes with surprises that we could not have even imagined.

If he had lost his job a week earlier, we would not have been able to pay the bills. One day later and full time school (and therefore extra income) would never have been possible.

Last week, Tom came home from his co-op and said, "I could do this job for the rest of my life and love it". Not many wives get to hear that and I feel blessed.

So friends, be encouraged. If something is happening in your life right now and you cannot see a way out, know that God is holding you in his hands. He is not going to let you go. He has a plan for you. Rely on Him alone.

P.S. If anyone knows of any computer programming jobs, I know a really great guy that is full of integrity!

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5 Years married!

Today marks the 5 year anniversary of our marriage. I have to say that it has been amazing.  Looking back, we barely knew each other really but we knew that we agreed on the big stuff...Faith...Family...Church...Friends...etc. and we have had a great time getting to know each other better all the time. So many people told me when I got married that by 5 years we wouldn't mind being apart but I am happy to say that they were wrong and I hope to keep it that way...Niether one of us sleeps well without the other by our side!

When we got married I remember saying that for our 5 year anniversary we would go somewhere tropical or far away...but instead we managed to already have 3 kids! Crazy but more amazing than we would have ever imagined! Thanks to my parents, my Aunt, my Gramma (yes, we spell it that way!)  and my cousin, we were able to away get last night to Niagara Falls...we definitely missed the kiddos and felt a little empty handed without them but really enjoyed being able to just talk to each other and walk around (and spend a LOT of money on pretty much nothing!) I'll blog about that trip later but for now...here are a few pictures from our awesome wedding day!

And for any of you that might be worried that I spent our anniversary blogging..no worries...I wrote most of this ahead of time!